Understanding Conflict

 Whether we view conflict as positive or negative it is bound to happen countless times in our lives. A general understanding of what conflict is, how to confront someone, and how to use conflict management skills are all useful tools to have at for personal or professional use. This paper will focus on the following topics:

1.     Why conflict occurs

2.     Conflict Management

3.     Personality types

4.     Communication techniques

5.     Forgiveness

Why conflict occurs

A conflict can be defined as two or more parties that have incompatible goals or want different outcomes in any given situation (Adler & Proctor, 2006, p. 367).  Conflict occurs on many levels at varying degrees of intensity, whether a disagreement between spouses about where to go for vacation or business partners arguing over where to cut costs. Many people view conflict as always being negative and having an unfavorable outcome, but if the outcome is favorable they don’t view the disagreement as a conflict at all (Abigail & Cahn, 2011). The truth is that conflict can be productive and have a favorable (win-win) outcome for all parties or it can be destructive, with a losing outcome for at least one party.

Productive conflict, as mentioned above, occurs when there is belief that all parties can achieve their goal; both parties must show a certain amount of flexibility and neither tries to manipulate the other (Abigail & Cahn, 2011, p. 12). Keeping to the issue and those involved, letting go of negative feelings, and maintaining a peaceful atmosphere to ensure a mutually favorable outcome are also components of productive conflict.  Abigail and Cahn share that this type of conflict can serve a purpose and leave all conflicted parties feeling that “they have gained as a result of the conflict” (p. 12)

The destructive view of conflict is how most people view conflict, escalated to the point where “it often becomes separated from the initial cause and takes on a life of its own” (Abigail & Cahn, 2011, p. 12). Destructive conflict occurs when the number of issues and people increase, power and manipulation are used, the original goal is lost and the relationship is harmed (p.12). One party may even bring up past wrongs or try and hurt the other party, increasing the negative feelings all around. This type of mismanaged scenario leads to unfavorable outcomes, possible even the dissolution of a relationship. 

Conflict Management

The ability to manage conflict effectively can help move destructive conflict into productive conflict. The first step in conflict management is viewing conflict as a process, an ongoing cycle with stages. A constructive conflict that is successful consists of 5 stages: prelude to conflict, triggering event, initiation phase, differentiation phase, and resolution phase (Abigail & Cahn, 2011).

Destructive process cycles do not end successfully and are altered at any of the 4 stages after the prelude; prelude is the background information and experience going into the conflict (Abigail & Cahn, 2011). Two types of destructive cycles are the confrontation avoidance cycle, including the chilling effect, and the competitive cycle including the violence cycle (Abigail & Cahn, 2011, 26). Both of these cycles start with the belief that conflict is negative and a major point is that the conflict is not resolved.

It is all too easy for conflicts to turn destructive, knowing how to effectively confront others so the process stays positive is important. The confrontation process can be handled with a few simple steps: identify the problem, address the person about the problem, consider the other parties point of view, resolve the problem so it is mutually satisfying, and follow up on the solution (Abigail & Cahn, 2011). Be approachable and allow the other party to express their feelings, but assert yourself so you don’t get taken advantage of. Entering into the conflict with a positive attitude can help you keep a clear head, while always having your goal in sight.

Personality Types
Personality types can play a significant role in conflict management. An article in the Bank post (2010) claims “people are different but they are predictably different” (How well do you really know the people who are working for you?). The article goes on to state that through the use of personality profiles, organizations are able to somewhat predict how people will behave in given situations and certain people that would work best together in groups (2010). The profiles give the company valuable information that helps in the promotion process, aids in understanding what motivates employees, and leads to higher quality output. Differences are seen as “interesting rather than problematic” (2010) and allows individuals the opportunity to work through conflicts with others with the insight they have about themselves.

Communication Techniques
Many factors can lead to conflict; poor communication is one of them. Setting vague expectation, having low emotional intelligence or lack of empathy, and being overly assertive can all be seen as poor communication. Some ways to avoid poor communication include keeping your word and making clear expectations. Setting clear expectations creates a solid foundation for a group and allows for recognition of good work and make sure people aren’t judged by unclear standards (Moyer & Dunphy, 2007). Make sure to put thought in all communication, give empathy where it is deserved and be approachable to others. Make an effort to understand others, what motivates them, challenges them, and their possible frustrations.

There are five common response modes when presented with a conflict: competing, collaborating, compromising, avoiding, and accommodating. Avoiding and accommodating are non-assertive behaviors that are typically chosen when one thinks of conflict as negative, and the result are lose-lose because the conflict initiator is not made aware of their actions and the conflicted can be left with feelings of regret and become withdrawn. Avoiding can be used in a group setting when identity conflicts occur (Abigail & Cahn, 2011).Competing is an aggressive behavior that usually involves force and methods that “violate socially acceptable standards” (Abigail & Cahn, 2011, p. 51). Compromising can lead to a doable outcome but not a totally satisfying outcome because the parties walk away with only some of what they set out to accomplish.

Collaborating has been shown to be the best option when it can be used. Being able to work together towards the same goal and come out with a mutually satisfying solution makes this a win-win for all. Part of collaborating is being cooperative and making sure the other parties concerns are important, making sure all needs are met to ensure a productive outcome. Being assertive and taking a relationship-centered approach by collaborating with others means being an effective listener, being able to disclose their feelings, and having good nonverbal communication.

An example of collaborating in a work setting would be two people from different backgrounds coming together to form an advertisement to sell cleaning products. Person A is a middle class Caucasian man and person B is a Hispanic woman from a wealthy family. Each has a different perspective on what could sell the product but they have the same goal in mind; how to effectively reach their target market. Through the use of collaboration they will work side by side and share ideas and strategies on how to accomplish their goal.

Forgiveness
When conflicts arise, people take things personal and their feelings get hurt. Sometimes core relational rules, rules about how we expect others to act, get broken and the relationship can be strained (Abigail & Cahn, 2011). Knowing when to ask for forgiveness and give it when asked is an important part in conflict management. Overall, the act of forgiveness allows people to let go of negative feelings and move forward, it also has benefits to our mental and physical well being.

One study has shown that forgiveness reduces stress and hostility, thus reducing cardiovascular illness and increasing overall health (Lawler et al., 2005, p. 158). Abigail & Cahn (2011) say that people who are able to forgive are able to sleep better, experience lower levels of pain, and have lower blood pressure than those who do not have the ability to forgive (p. 178.) When it comes to mental health, the ability to forgive can lead to increase in social skills which help in building and maintaining relationships. It has also been found that conflict management skills aid in trait forgiveness, making them very beneficial (Lawler et al., 2005, p. 160).

Because it is impossible to avoid all conflicts, the attitude you choose when faced with one can make an incredible difference between success and failure. Knowing that conflict can be productive and entering into one with a positive attitude can make all the difference in the world.  Being able to recognize when a conflict occurs and the best way to come to a mutual understanding can increase joy in personal relationships and help to maintain a positive life.

References:

Abigail, R.A., & Cahn, D.D., (2011). Managing Conflict Through Communication, Fourth Edition. Boston: Allyn & Bacon 

Adler, R., & Proctor, R., (2006). Looking Out/Looking In, Twelfth Edition. Boston: Wadsworth. 

Kathleen A. Lawler, Jarred W. Younger, Rachel L. Piferi, Rebecca L. Jobe, Kimberley A. Edmondson, & Warren H. Jones. (2005). The Unique Effects of Forgiveness on Health: An Exploration of Pathways. Journal of Behavioral Medicine, 28(2), 157-67. Retrieved September 13, 2010, from Research Library. (Document ID: 977020011). 

Matt Moyer, & Mike Dunphy. (2007, March). Conflict management. Pharmaceutical Representative, 37(3), 34. Retrieved September 13, 2010, from Career and Technical Education. (Document ID: 1259651381). 

HOW WELL DO YOU REALLY KNOW THE PEOPLE WHO ARE WORKING FOR YOU? (2010, May 15). The Bangkok Post. Retrieved September 13, 2010, from ProQuest Newsstand. (Document ID: 2035986551).